The best replacement for getting kicked in the balls is birth.

Лучшие альтернативы к getting kicked in the balls можно упорядочить следующим образом:
★★★★★  birth
★★★★  labor
★★★★  childbirth
★★★  giving birth more painful
★★★  giving birth
★  cramps
  having a baby

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Google Trends

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getting kicked in the balls
birth
labor