The best replacement for cracked is bruised ribs.

The best alternatives to cracked are rated as following:
★★★★★  bruised ribs
★★★★  broken rib
★★★  broken ribs
★★★  bruised rib
★★  mad
★★  buzzfeed
★  mad magazine
★  collegehumor
  listverse
  hacked

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cracked
bruised ribs
broken rib